...When I reflect on past prayers, I find that I pray for one thing more than anything else.
To become broken. Broken, as I have been when God has shown me so much because I in those times am humble, knowing that I am nothing. Broken...relying on Him for all things. That I may desire His will over my own. To have my ambitions, days, hopes, thoughts, dreams, future, and character to be set by Him...to follow Him where He leads.
To be broken. How?
Peter said to him,
“Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”In this moment Peter has NO doubts in his statement. "I WILL lay down my life for you." I WILL. He felt it deep in his heart. He had his God beside him and he believed every tenet of his comment. How ever as we find he does not fulfill his vow. Instead he runs from it...he denies with oaths and curses the Christ he vowed to die for.
It was only after this moment that Peter was solid enough to be "the rock" on which the foundation of the Church would be built. Peter in his brokenness...in his understanding that he can rely on nothing of himself and only on Christ. Only after proving his solemn belief in self unworthy could he "follow" fully. Only when he came to the end of himself and his self-sufficiency, when there was not one strand of himself he would ever rely again was he capable of truly "following".
How many times have I stated, "I will"? How many times have I vowed and given oaths? How often have I not "followed"? Not seen that I have NO power on my own, that I am only capable with Him and His lifting me up?
If brokenness is our prayer we must come to this same place Peter stood two-thousand years past. We must come to see that not one strand of ourselves is able to stand, not one strand is able to hold the smallest weight. Only then, do we cast ourselves fully on Him, truly following.