31 December, 2009
It is only hours away. This time often is spent in one of a few ways...
In the company of many, or maybe just one. Thoughts...of year(s) past, or of what the future holds,...or a unique division between the two where one's mind can not get around either of them for all of it's running back and forth.
This New Year's Eve I find myself yet again in the latter state of thought. My anylitical mind is running itself ragged. Ragged from thinking on this past year: my failures, shortfallings, (wrongfully claimed) successes; and this next year: resolutions, goals, hopes, dreams.
It always seems split. Negative in the past/Positive in the future.
I think that every year...for every single person who gives it any thought; the passing of one year to another is split. Even for the most positive or negative, the most level-headed, the most realistic, all of us have at least the smallest imbalance in viewing and comparing; yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Simply we have hope that tomorrow will allow us something that today or yesterday did not. Plainly stated we want better...better...better. Resolution after resolution we make:
in 2009 we remember a haste word said and the pain it brought to a friend...so we resolve
in 2009 we noticed that we drank too much...so we resolve
in 2009 we realized that we spent far more time in the office than at home with the family...so we resolve
in 2009 we see our figure and we desire to hold a nearer appearance to a model...so we resolve
in 2009 we recall that when we were younger the family ate at the dinner table...so we resolve
The general thought is always that we are able to create in ourselves and within our families something better than what we previously were. How wrong we are.
Looking over 2009. I recount my offenses to fellow men, I see glaring error, sins galore I find...every effort fell short, every deed tried in earnest found to be selfish, at times I wallowed in my shortcomings, never did I do anything to my betterment. Yes, looking over the year I can not help but want self improvement...but will resolving do that? No...
I am nothing good. My "flesh is weak", my heart..."it is deceictful above all things", "the doing of good is not present in me". My seemingly selfless acts...are but a mask to selfish motives. I am worthless, corrupt, vile.
A better me in 2010!?!?
Yes, but if I strive for my own means all will be "but chasing after the wind". Yes, but if I use my own strength all will be cut as short as I first began.The imbalance comes from believing myself to be greater than I am...
I know, I can become better only by He who lives in me.
So. My resolution: to serve my King with a more sincere heart, to understand at a greater depth my Creator, to draw ever more near to my Savior, to know Christ Jesus more today than yesterday.
I can only do these things by spending time with Him. More prayer. More Scripture. More Fellowship.
I am confident, "He who began a good work...will carry it on to completion..."
"HE must become greater, i must become less."